Do We Hear What We Are Saying?

Upon sharing the news that she was expecting twins, the other mother excitedly rejoined, "I'm not!"

Upon reflecting that his brother-in-law and sister have seven children, this young father remarked, "It's like they haven't figured out where they come from yet."

Upon getting married, the young bride explained that they would not be having kids because, "We've decided we want things."

Or all too often a mother has been heard to say, "After I had him, I just knew I couldn't handle even one more."

Names have been withheld in an attempt to protect my own skin. I am, after all, speaking from personal conversation and experiences and if anyone saw their words put in black and white like this they might very well resent me. If I left the quotes stand on their own, perhaps that would be enough.

Sometimes these sentiments have been voiced by non-Christians, and in those situations I must accept that there is a simple ignorance of the gift of Life that is bestowed upon this world in each child's conception. However, I have heard these words and others like them come from the mouths of Christians, and this saddens me. It reflects a worldly influence of which I suspect they are unaware. Most from whom I've heard these things are parents already, and it is quite evident that they love and cherish their children dearly.

There is almost a compartmentalization between the idea of having children and the reality of the ones we already can put our arms around. I think that we find it so difficult to let go of our own autonomy that we don't even see when we're doing it. My hand is raised - Guilty!

Autonomy - Ancient Greek: from αὐτο- auto- "self" + νόμος nomos, "law" "one who gives oneself their own law"

- self-directing freedom and especially moral independence

There are any number of areas where my personal hold on the lead reigns of control have worn deep grooves into the skin of my palms. I bear the calluses, blisters, and scars of my personal battles to have those straps wrested or coaxed out of my grip. And His hands are working on mine still. I hope that this is not misunderstood as self-righteousness.

This arena of children and the bearing of them is one for which my heart beats with strident tenderness. I believe we have bought into the world's persuasion without due consideration. All the rationalizations that negate an acknowledgement of our Lord as the One we would seek to determine the way in which we should go have become "common sense". Our flippant comments like the ones above prompt communal laughter and tell on us, affirming our waywardness.

The Lord tells us, " Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward."

So many will respond with joy to this truth when that little one makes his or her appearance, but it is true always. Before you decide for yourself, while you are carrying their developing bodies within you, if He calls you to travel state lines or continents to get them, and ever afterward for as long as He allows, they are His gifts; and as such I believe we are wisest to allow Him to determine their giving.

Psalm 127:3

Labor of Love

I think this may be my last post in this theme of thoughts concerning what it means to conceive, how we are to do so, Who we are to look to as Christians to provide fulfillment for these longings, lead us into them, and to help us with our disappointments if our dreams do not play out in our lives as we'd hoped. I know that being a parent has so deepened and enriched my understanding of God as my Abba, and of myself as His child. But I've wondered how my views of our relationship would be different if I'd not been blessed with Motherhood.

This beautiful video below gives tribute to the labor of love that accompanied the birth of our Savior. I can share in this as I remember the painful hours I struggled to bring my sons into this world. But I also know that the births of my daughters into our lives by way of adoption came with their own pains, gasps of travail, sleepless anticipation, cries of joy.

And what of beautiful Joseph? Watch him kneeling there, doing whatever he can to help as he is in so many ways helpless. Look at the amazement and joy in his face as he first gazes upon this baby, Lord of all in human likeness, whom he will train up in the years to come. There is more than the miracle of birth on his face, there is witness to the divine. He is a wonder to behold.



I sincerely hope that my understanding of who my Savior is would not be the less if I'd never been a mother. I think of *Amy Carmichael, and I like to think I would have led a life something like her's. I love Jesus - more than anyone. So if He'd chosen for Himself to be my all in all without a family just as He is with them, well He would be. Whatever our roles that we are ultimately called to as His servants, let them be not as we will but as He wills, and let them all be labors of love.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. I Cor 15:57-58

*A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot

Conception (Pt 4)

I am glad that in light of my previous sobering post, I can follow it with some rays of hope and encouragement. This blog just has to make you smile by it's title: http://www.naturallyknockedup.com/ Donielle explains how she was discovered to be low on the fertility scale, her various physical challenges, the status-quo medical recommendations she received, how she followed the Standard American Diet guidelines for health, and how her own gut instinct drove her to research what a traditional, nourishing diet consists of. She eschews the new wave of fertility treatments that modern medicine has pandered to the masses. She is gentle, considerate, and respectful of our desires to have children, and sensitive to those who find this to be a challenge.

Her personal story ends with these thoughtful words which offer a bigger picture of a world where God is there, but desires more than to simply give us what we want because we want it. He desires his plans for our lives:

Unfortunately though, sometimes no matter what they do, not all women are able to become pregnant, and it is my belief that the Lord is the only one that truly governs over our bodies. Although some days I have struggled immensely, I know that with his strength, I can find peace about the future of my fertility. It is something that I must continually place in his hands. I pray this site is both God honoring and also full of useful information, so that you might begin your own quest to better health through reading and research.

Read it in good health - and God bless you and yours.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
May it be so.

Conception Complications (Pt 3)

Another request came to me this week - someone close to me asked for prayer for blessings over an in-vitro fertilization procedure of frozen embryos. A young couple wants a child and has been told that their chances of conception are quite small. And once again, the reality of the choices Christians consider viable includes going outside of creation as God has designed it. The door appears shut to a natural conception within the time frame they would like and with the bodies He has blessed them with - so they are turning to this scientific option Man has created.

I really knew very little about frozen embryos, so I did a little reading to educate myself on the matter. As it turns out, it's pretty straight-forward. A fertilized embryo is the beginning of life:

"Although life is a continuous process, fertilization is a critical landmark because, under ordinary circumstances, a new, genetically distinct human organism is thereby formed....O'Rahilly, Ronan and Müller, Fabiola. Human Embryology & Teratology. 2nd edition. New York: Wiley-Liss, 1996, pp. 8

Frozen embryos are those that have been created in a test tube and then are cryogenically preserved, awaiting implantation in a woman's uterus in hopes of a child. It might be that of yourself and your husband, or it might be your egg and a donor's sperm, or it might be your husband's seed and a donor's egg, or it might even be a fertilized egg donated from two complete strangers.

You see, this process of trying to have what we want with the least amount of trouble to ourselves has in fact created a whole new set of problematic issues for us to deal with. The afore-mentioned ones of options regarding a child's parentage are just the beginning. For those who have given of their own egg and sperm, the decision of what to do with the extras awaits you. What are you to do with those frozen embryos that you do not provide the haven of your uterus to and welcome them into your family with the gift of birth? A great article found on CNNhealth.com titled What Happens to Extra Embryos after IVF? covers many of the dilemmas this venture has brought forth. An excerpt:

Michelle DeCrane of Austin, Texas, has also been paying for embryo storage for two years. She has a 2-year-old daughter -- and six frozen embryos. "I would love to have another baby, if I were younger -- I'm 40 -- and if money was not an object." She finds herself trapped in a mental loop; while she doesn't have the same mind-blowing love for the embryos as she has for her daughter, neither does she consider them anonymous laboratory tissue. And there's another wrinkle: One of the six embryos is biologically hers and her husband's; the five others were created with donor eggs and his sperm. "What do people do?" she asks. "You have all of these embryos in all of these labs. Are people going to keep doing what I'm doing and pay the $40 a month ad infinitum?"

Some will. Experts estimate that hundreds of thousands of embryos have accumulated in fertility clinics throughout the country, some awaiting transfer but many literally frozen in time as parents ask themselves questions few among us ever consider with such immediacy: When does life begin? What does "life" mean, anyway?

In the case of our friends, they are prepared to be parents to all three children that Mommy might give birth to nine months down the road. So they are not in the position of having to decide what to do with extra embryos. However, I cannot support this industry that has arisen in an attempt to give us all perfect babies that spring forth from our own wombs - whether God gives us this or not. I cannot offer my prayers to theirs in this, and the whole thing saddens me.

It saddens me that parents who want children are sometimes barren.

It saddens me that children who deserve loving homes sometimes wind up with families who betray those hopes.

It saddens me that children find themselves in disrupted situations which shape their character and hurt their ability to trust.

It saddens me that fear is a part of adoption.

It saddens me that we are so consumed with making it possible for parents to get every possible chance (and then some) to be good parents that we extend the season of uncertainty for their children for lengths of time that are detrimental to those kids.

It saddens me that acceptance of difficult things are not seen as tools the Lord might be using to shape us.

It saddens me to write all of this....

The Best Time to Have Children

Conception (Pt 2)

We are a people obsessed with control. I don't know if it's just Americans, the greater part of the developed world, or all of it, but our control issues are out of control. I feel like to even say this is to state the obvious - is there anyone with an ounce of maturity out there who would argue this point with me? And what I am putting out there, in particular, is the notion that we can take the miracle of conception and decide that we can lead and guide even this - the creation of life.

I was blessed with two sons who I loved and adored (still do). But I knew I was only getting one more child out of my husband, and I wanted a daughter. ;D I recall talking with my Mom and saying, "Did you ever want something so bad that you thought, 'God's just GOT to give it to me'?" That's how I felt.

So, I did what any modern day bibliophile who recognizes what wealth our multitude of libraries and bookstores affords us would do. I took matters into my own hands, and bought and read books on How To Determine the Sex of Your Baby. It was all too complicated for me, however, so before I could quite grasp how to organize my strategy - I was expecting. It was done, and I was robbed of the opportunity to try my own little creation science experiment. It had remained His and His alone - and nine months later I was blessed with my third son, equally loved and adored. And that longing that I'd once thought was personally stamped within me through and through to the marrow of my bones; well, over time He dealt with that and replaced it with gratitude and contentment as I trusted Him with even this.

I realize that there are many sorrows and longings that go into our heart's desires when it comes to being denied the blessing of giving birth. I know that having the reality of a child does not begin once they are on their way. They are real to many of us even before they are born, even before they are conceived. I also know that I cannot comprehend those heartbreaks that I have never personally experienced, like infertility. But my contention is that whether we do or do not get what we want, in this case "children", should not determine our freedom to take control of our situation.

Conception has been wrested out of God's hands.

From Steven Katz, M.D. in The San Francisco Medical Journal:

In 1978 at Bourne Hall, Great Britain, the first baby was created by the mixing of a human egg and sperm in the laboratory. Thus, in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was "bourne".

Today, 23 years later, over 60,000 cycles of IVF are completed each year in the United States alone. What was once an experimental procedure is now commonplace (emphasis mine) in our society. Why does infertility seem much more common today than a generation ago? The answer is unclear but many theories have been proposed. First, some people feel that the sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies led to many known and unknown sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). These STDs created pelvic infections and ultimately tubal disease. Secondly, women are much more likely to work outside the home and thereby delay childbearing. Lastly, investigators have hypothesized environmental factors and stress as causal factors.

It has become commonplace, and I contend an additional explanation for the increase in fertility treatments. Quite simply - We can. As His children, we were not intended to be herded along by the world and it's ways. What I am putting forth is not easy, I am quite aware. It leads to many more questions, and I do not hold the answer to all of them. But I do know this. He said:

"You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be My own."

And if we are simply doing what we can because we can, not because He has led you or me to do whatever, then we are not following. We are leading.

Conception (Pt 1)

Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you — they are your life. Deut 32

I was 18 years old. I stepped up to the sandy edge of the cliff, looked over and stepped back time and time again. My heart was hammering, palms sweating, an inward debate went back and forth in my mind as I willed myself to jump, wondering if I were really going to do it. Suddenly I ran forward and leaped out into space.

I don't remember much beyond that. Screaming, flailing, plunging deep into water, pain, slowly stroking my way to the surface. Thank God I survived, but boy, was I dumb.

I was as a foolish young woman with something to prove, more to myself than anyone else. Ever been there?

I feel a bit of that same trepidation I felt on that cliff as I begin this post. However, my compulsion today isn't based in a desire to validate anything within myself. It springs from a belief that something needs to be said - and I don't hear anybody saying it. This post is intended for believers only.

When my life was given over to the Lord, I experienced something I'd never known before. It was this crazy mixture of being able to see. I could see sins I'd never known I'd committed, feel the full ownership of guilt for them (and not cover or shamelessly wiggle out and escape my responsibility), be sorry with true down-deep sorrow, and then - there was His forgiveness. What followed was a desire within for a commitment to never repeat them again. This is the freedom found in Christ.

As I continued in my walk with the Lord, I found that sometimes I unwittingly make mistakes even still. And at a later date the light will dawn and I'll experience that same cycle of uncluttered vision, personal ownership of guilt, Godly sorrow, forgiveness, and the turning we call Repentance.

Some years ago, while living in Salinas, CA I met a homeschooling Mom who was unlike anyone I'd ever known. I can describe some things about her, but it wasn't these things. First of all, she was a black homeschooler - the only one I knew. She and her husband had some property and farmed their own vegetables. She might have had a few animals as well, or maybe my romantic notions have added to my memories. She had four kids with a fifth one on the way. But there was something else that was more of a sense, and I guess quite simply it was a vibe of obedience within her.

One day she and her kids were over visiting at my house and I innocently asked that question every woman asks another pregnant mother, "So, are you guys done? Is this the last one for you?" She just as innocently replied, "Well, that's up to the Lord."

And I experienced it - Conviction. What I refer to as the big finger of God gently but firmly pressing upon my heart. We had done what everyone does.

My husband had decided that three was enough for him and had a vasectomy. As a new believer, I'd thought I was doing the right thing by honoring my husband's wishes, although personally I wanted more children. But he was the provider and my husband and so I had supported his decision. What I suddenly realized was that we had taken this part of our lives and kept God out of it. We certainly hadn't consulted Him on whether this was His will for us or not. We'd "done right in our own eyes" and behaved as though we were God.

My friend was all grace and understanding, I have to say. There truly was no condemnation from her, simply going forward in greater understanding of what it means to walk in this world after Him.

But this idea of conception being His domain was here to stay.

It's funny, I'd titled this piece before I began writing, thinking of how my view of conception truly being God's work has been established. As I finished here, I thought of it's other meaning, as in "can you conceive of?" Idea, vision, grasp, understand.

From the book of Job, "But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding."