Tuesday, August 16, 2011

First Week Of School 2011

I've been waiting for this week for months now.  I'm usually the kind of mom who sort of whips my plans out of thin air just weeks prior to the start of the school year.  Yes, even after sixteen years.  Every March the wind seems to blow in with a great creative impetus for other mothers, causing them to begin ruminating over books and subjects.  As one turns to me and asks what I am doing next year, I am routinely caught by surprise.  July is absolutely the earliest you can expect me to even broach contemplation of the next year's academic endeavors.

However, for some reason ideas for this year began percolating back in March for me too!  I did my best to keep things on the back burner so we could finish out the year well and have a real summer, but I kept stirring those pots and checking on them as time went by.  I actually had at least half of it planned by July and felt quite satisfied with myself.  At least, I thought I did. Suddenly, one scenario evaporated, another boiled over, still others just tasted off and clearly needed seasoning adjustments.  And I was back to my old game plan of praying and pulling it together per usual.  Still, I came to it feeling a bit deflated after such a visionary start.

As a solid plan began taking shape, I remained non-plussed.  It didn't feel quite like the picture I had earlier imaginations of.  This would be fine, I contented myself.  What I found emerging was a certainty that although this was not my plan, it was His; and as such, it would be good.  GOOD in the way He makes things.  Of this I was sure, regardless of my misgivings.

We began this week.  The first day... well, although the girls enjoyed it, I know that they too felt something was different.  For myself, I can only describe it as spiritually oppressive.  At one point I actually went into my room and told Him, "I don't want to do this.  I don't mean just today.  I don't want to do this at all.  I really just want out."  I don't think I've ever felt quite like this in all my years of schooling - especially not on the first day!  Yet, I returned to my tasks and carried on.  He had my back.

I'm not sure just when, but at some point late in the day the darkness under which I'd stepped out and walked was gone.  As the light was fading outside in our unusually cool summer late afternoon, in our home it was the obscurity of my heart and mind that was giving way. He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth.’*   

I don't understand all that is going on, but I do know this.  I wouldn't change a thing.

* II Samuel 23:4

Shared at Far Above Rubies, We Are That Family

1 comment:

  1. I somehow feel refreshed this year. I have a renewed vigor, as I am able to focus solely on the 3 younger boys and the needs I do not feel I've met the past 2 years. Jonah insists he will NOT DO SCHOOL, but it's just fine, he's almost 5, plenty of time to work on his enthusiasm. I've lined up some really nice things to go through with the boys together, and am feeling strengthened. Schooling 5 this year was really weighing heavily on me. Liv got her (VERY rigorous) syllabi (sp?) the other day and DOVE in, is attacking the requisite pre-first-day-preparations Pastor Colleen gave her. I am SO thrilled at her enthusiasm, I really feel like she is in a good place. I'd love for you to see the letter the Pastor sent home to the kids, I really feel she is a blessing to us, as so many others that God has put in my path! I'm joining the Christian homeschool group, I was feeling pulled to the fellowship of the moms there. I'm slightly wary, however, as I hear of some of the factions and their passive criticisms of "the wrong brands" of other Christians, so I will stand in the background and absorb the atmosphere before I expose myself to any negativity (this has come to my attention just today, and after last years turmoil, am not willing to endure more drama). I worry about this, so I'm going to take your enlightenment of the last few days as my cue to let Him guide me. I will also leave my ears and my heart wide open for His guidance...I love you!!